A Million And One Random Facts About My Boyfriend 

Just to be clear, the title says ‘a million and one things’ but that is clearly over exaggerated. I really didn’t know what to title this post. I thought of random facts about my boyfriend, or dating the 21st century Hitler, stuffs around that line. I’ve been working on this post for quite a while now but my brain wasn’t bringing forth anything, then just this morning I wrote the first lines and the words just started pouring out way faster than I could even write them down. In all, I’m glad am finally able to make this post about Babe. 

Everybody knows him to be good looking, mature, has a hot physique, sometimes funny and really really intelligent. My definition of Babe is actually quite different – if there will be a world war 3, he’ll be the propegator. 

  • I’m the only other person besides his parents who actually calls him by his real name. The first time we ever talked, he introduced himself with his nick name and insisted I call him that because it was his only name. Me being me, asked for a copy of both his birth certificate and national identify card to certify his claim. He thought me annoying and mad but I stood my ground and he ended up telling me his real name. I actually liked his surname so much that it’s been what I’ve been calling him for 3 straight years now. Sometimes when I go to his department and ask after him, I get strange looks like I’m talking about an inexistent person, then I have to say his nick name which is the only name the rest of the world knows. 
  • He once blew everything run by electricity in all his neighbors’ apartment by touching two wires in his house. This was when he was pissed everyone had light except him. And then when everybody came out, confused and complaining, he went out with them and acted like he was just as clueless as they were. 
  • He doesn’t know who Hillary Clinton is up until about two days ago when he happened upon some interesting article about her. Armed with his new found knowledge and oblivious of mine, he wanted to intimidate me – too late – I’ve read the political history of America since I was 13, I know all about it till date. And yeah, I know who Hillary Clinton is. 😂 
  • He exhibits tyrannical characteristics. Which only got worse after he watched 50 shades of Grey and now he’s convinced he’s a dominant and I’m his submissive. This is an example of how he talks :

Babe: oh ye woman! Get me thou now, the liquid of life (a glass of water), so I can quench my thirst! 

Me: say please, it won’t remove from your height or kill you to say please. (I might or might not but most likely hiss at this point) 

Babe: quiet! And do as I say before I place an everlasting curse of dermatological cancer on thy perfectly beautiful body. How dare thee? Thou mere mortal, speak to thy god in such alteracious manner. Be thankful for my mercy, now go get me water before I turn my anger unto thee and change thee to stone! 

  • He writes on the wall. Oh yeah. He painted his whole apartment (excluding the kitchen and bathroomwhite for this sole reason and got a bunch of markers which he uses to carry out this shameless act. Step into his room and voila! Handwritings on the wall. 
  • He has an anonymous blog titled “101 reasons not to date my girlfriend after I break up with her“. Firstly, he has no interest in writing or blogging! He only started it as a sort of revenge for my “Quiera Follopost, even though I’ve assured him time after time that none of his friends will find out or trace it to him. For heaven’s sake, I’m blogging anon! 
  • After years of denying any feelings for me so he could avoid commitment and keep being a player (a really big time player and very dangerous one at that) while keeping me locked down under the “she’s just my bestie” tag, he ended up faking an attempted suicide, hospital emergency case and falling into a coma, just so I would admit I love him and say yes, agreeing to officially be his girlfriend. (in these later months, his own side of the story is always that I begged him and when begging didn’t work, I emotionally blackmailed him into asking me out
  • He is a really good dancer. My favorite moves of his is when he does it unconventional Drake style or Nicki Minaj sexy killer twists. I’m not saying more. I even have a recorded video of him that I’m sure would turn the Internet upside over but he refused me permission to upload it. Hidden talent – one of the most unfortunate things in the world. 
  • When he farts… Let’s just say, not every nuclear atomic explosion that destroys over half of the planet earth is really caused by nuclear atomic bombs. 
  • The first time he ate something I cooked, he complained for hours that it was horribly terrible. I was so embarrassed that I kept avoiding him for days. Then months later and he draws me aside one day and starts confessing that it was actually one of the best meals he’s ever tasted in all his life. He was actually confessing to me because his brother had been blackmailing him for weeks about it and he was fed up, tired and exhausted of being blackmailed. 
  • He thinks he is the normal one for not knowing how to play scrabble, chess and monopoly. I don’t think he even knows what they are. Lmao.

These are the first 11 in the list. I have about 20 more and I don’t even feel like I’m half way done with the list. I guess it’s what happens when you are writing about the 21st century Hitler, you just don’t run out of things to say. And it’s beautiful. 

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2 thoughts on “A Million And One Random Facts About My Boyfriend 

  1. i love the pattern with which you write……honestly this your babe must be one in a million. Even me as a guy want to be like your boyfriend lol…but u didnt tell us how he knacks u in the oza room…abi the knacks dey on recession tooo?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lmao. Thank you for leaving your thoughts. But seriously, you want to be like my bf, but bro why now? So you can give another innocent girl BP just as this one is raising mine here? Lol. About the other room thing, you too like story! Biko.

      Like

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