Still not talking to Babe – this is my problem.
He did try to work things out, but all he really wanted was to make out and stuffs. He thinks kissing me solves all our problems – that is his problem.
Who even does that? I’m no longer pissed. Just a bit exhausted, sad and disappointed.
There’s a lot going on in my head and I wish I could just talk to him. He’s lying right next to me, watching a movie, and we’re both pretending so hard to ignore the other out of existence because of hurt pride. What is this madness!?
I want to have a conversation with my best friend about my boyfriend pissing me off but Alas! Both are the same person. BB is miles away and I hardly have enough airtime to call her. I’d have texted her on whatsapp but who says she’d have that time now? Besides, wouldn’t it be unfair if I drag her away from her happy life just to keep her through the torturous boredom of me complaining about my own life and looking for every possible way to put the blame on Babe or the devil, either, both, anyone else but me!?
Yesterday was hell on its own. I couldn’t even concentrate in class. All I wanted to do was sleep or just lazy about. The week has been long, I’m tired and with a gazillion things running through my mind. Why does life choose mostly to be complicated and hard? Tomorrow it’s a Sunday and before you know it, it’s Monday again and the routine starts all over again.
You are my only friend now. Would you please stay a bit longer? Don’t leave me in my loneliness and solitude. Don’t go so quickly like the way all good things desert me. My broken heart is killing me, it’s effects like slow poison. I know I’ll get tripped with this pride of mine (just talk to him already, beg girl, beg like your life depends on it because it does!), but let me fall and maybe fracture a bone or something. I don’t even know what I’m ranting about anymore.
I just want Babe and I want to be back to normal but I don’t want to make the first move. I want him to really be sorry and actually know what he’s apologizing for, for once let him acknowledge what he did wrong. I’ve long forgiven him but for him to realize his sins, how long would I have to wait?
Relationships are hard. Life is hard.
I can’t believe he’s got both the pillows and I’m left with nothing to hug, not even a teddy. I should have asked for a teddy for valentine.
P. S. I’ve been listening to Rihanna’s ‘Higher‘ on repeat.
(here’s a link to download it if you don’t have it on your Playlist yet). I discovered the greatness of this song exactly two Saturdays ago, and today I discovered it’s usefulness. Who knows, maybe next two Saturdays, I’ll get to actually meet Riri. Universe take note.