How A Dog Attempted Murder On Me 

I don’t know who came up with the idea that the dog is a man’s best friend. I’ve been more of a cat person and always will be. At least cats don’t attack you and try to eat your leg for sara. 

I went to see BB today. When I got to her house, I knocked and knocked on the gate but nobody came to open it, I tried calling her line but it wasn’t going through, so as a verified family friend, I jejely let myself into the compound. I’ve been standing under the hot sun for too long. 

This dog just throttled from nowhere up to me, the way it just kept staring at me, I thought it was going to say “aunty welcome o, please let me help you with your bag“. “So they now have a dog“, I thought to myself, “how lovely, thank heavens I love dogs“. 

But Bingo didn’t care, he put his nose to my leg, all the time holding my gaze, and the next thing I knew, he started barking. At me! At first I was like “you dey craze? You know who I be?“, and the Bingo was like “Aunty abeg go now o, go before I bite you“. 

So I started backing away slowly while Bingo’s barking increased. I did the most foolish thing and starting running around the compound with Bingo giving me a hot chase. Suddenly I started remembering all the sins I have committed, “eh Mitchy, you don enter today, karma“.  I was screaming for BB to come out and at the same time warning the dog to leave me alone. 

BB finally came out to the balcony upstairs and instead of this okpokiyonwi girl to command Bingo to stop, she started squealing in excitement.

oh my gooosh, Mitchyyy! is that you? Omg I love you so much, I’ve missed you, I didn’t even know you’ll be coming today, babe I have a lot of gist for you“. During this speech 

  • Bingo had gotten tired or decided I wasn’t worth eating for lunch, so he had stopped pursuing me, but now that I think of it, I think it was because he was too busy staring lustfully at BB who came out with only a towel tied across her chest. 
  • My theory is that Bingo has a serious crush on BB but she would rather date humans, so he just transferred his frustration and aggression on me innocent party. 
  • I was eyeing BB with eyes that could detonate a bomb and in my mind I was like your papa well well, instead of you to come down and open the door before this wild beast changes it’s mind and starts pursuing me again” 

The mumu girl of a human being finally came downstairs to let me in, but not before giving me a really tight hug. I was so desperate to just get into the house, a cat came out of the house and kind of strolled (more like catwalked) around, as if to say “yes, notice me, I am the grand pet of this house so all other living creatures must acknowledge my presence”. Mrs Cat looked at me for like five seconds, during which I made it clear I may be a fan but I wasn’t interested in getting an autograph because I think she is too proud. 

Finally we went into the house, but not before I turned to give Bingo who was just observing us from a corner, a piece of my mind. “so you”, I began “you this fowl, you think you can scare me shey, you think say I dey fear you. Let me just tell you, be grateful you are here because where I come from, we eat your kind in peppersoup and me, I would gladly have devoured you”.

Nevertheless, I had made up my mind never to pay anyone a surprise visit because well, you never know when they may just decide to start a zoo in their house. 

Meet Bingo – the scorned canine lover
Mrs Cat- she wouldn’t let me touch her, acting all too cool to care, but just see the way she posed for the camera like she’s been waiting for it all her life. Mtcheew.

2 thoughts on “How A Dog Attempted Murder On Me 

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