Something happened today that made me think of the advice my Papa gave to me when I was about leaving for the University. “You are going into a totally different world” he said “I cannot ignore that some things will not happen, they may, they may not, but if you meet a guy you like enough and that thing is about to happen, make sure he uses a condom. If he truly loves you, he will. Stds are as real as you and I and your sisters, and getting pregnant in school and out of wedlock is as bad as people say it is, always protect yourself“.
My Papa hasn’t been much of a Papa to me or my sisters, not even by a long shot, but today, I remembered those words of his, and I did something I haven’t done in 7 solid years – I went down on my knees and I prayed for him.
The ABC Of Sex
- Be Faithful
My Mama taught me abstinence in the way every typical Nigerian mother does. She was driving me to the park one day and she started “I had a dream o, you got pregnant and had to leave school, if you like get pregnant, don’t just bother to come to the house, it’s your life you will destroy not mine, God knows I’ve done my part as a parent and he will not hold me accountable“. And that was the only sex education I got from her. When I got an infection during my first year while I was in the school hostel, I went home and told my mum I was getting weird vagina discharge, she just erupted on me and concluded I got it from having sex. I was so hurt and angry at her, for insinuating I wasn’t a virgin which I was, (I hadn’t even had my first kiss) and for being more than mildly ignorant. But for a long time, I remained abstinent, I was hell bent on proving my Mama wrong.
Then I met the love of my life, (or thought he was), and I moved down to Be Faithful. And faithful I remained, so did he. But one beautiful month, I fell ill and missed my period. It had happened, my life was over, I cried day and night and day and night. The love of my life then was really supportive, promising me all the coke I wanted if only I’d stop crying, but I didn’t. For the first (and only) time in my life, coke couldn’t cheer me up. I finally gathered courage and went for an actual pregnancy test. The nurse gave me the look like I was a direct descendant of the devil himself, “all these small small girls of nowadays” she said loud enough for everyone to hear and then stare at me. The shame was so much I didn’t even notice when they pierced my skin and drew blood (I have a big time phobia for needles or sharp objects coming near my skin). I knew it was negative immediately I saw the look on the nurse’s face when she was bringing in the result, she looked disappointed, like she didn’t have anything to use to mock me anymore, she dropped the envelope on my laps, hissed and walked away. That lone experience shook me so bad, I jumped to option number 3 without thinking twice.
I hated the condoms from the very first time. I kept fearing it’d pull off and get lost inside my body. I didn’t understand why it came with so much oil like they wanted us to fry plantain with it, and if they could do something about the latex smell… I’m very sensitive with smells. I used the condoms only twice and reverted back to abstinence. The love of my life got pissed, called me selfish and from that moment, the relationship started dying until we finally went our separate ways. So much for being convinced he loved me.
Today I met a guy that said he didn’t believe in using condoms because it decreased the feeling, he liked and preferred it skin to skin. He wouldn’t stay faithful either because he couldn’t keep eating the same type of soup for so long and abstinence wasn’t even an option on the menu, he’s got blood flowing in his veins and not ice water. I just wonder, what happens if he gets infected with something really serious that otc (over the counter) drugs can’t fix, what happens if a pregnancy occurs, and how would his serious girlfriend/fiancee/wife feel knowing he’s hopping from one bed to another?
Putting all of that (and more) into consideration, I don’t think the simplest safety practices for sex should be overlooked. Their relevance cannot be overemphasized. It’s either you are abstinent, being faithful or using condoms. Cmon people, I’m tired of meeting people who neglect to abide by this simple rule either out of sheer ignorance or plain laziness. We shouldn’t risk our lives or endanger that of others. Abstinence, be faithful or condoms, it’s as easy as ABC.
Word prompt – Blindly